


She Didn't Have the Right

by BuzzCat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pregnancy, all of the sad things, tw: abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 12:46:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4835933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuzzCat/pseuds/BuzzCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy was born in the 1930s with Steve and Steve never went into the ice. She was a show girl and that’s how they met and fell in love. Darcy has a more watered down version of the serum, where she still ages but at one quarter that of a normal human. Modern day, she’s connected with Jane Foster and in the midst of a girl's night, Darcy's story comes out that she hasn't told anyone. Warning for talking about an abortion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Didn't Have the Right

**Author's Note:**

> Edit as of 5/14/17: The views of the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author.

Jane laughed as she sipped her sparkling cider,

“You know, I still can’t believe that you’re from the ‘40s.”

“Believe it, dear.” said Darcy. She laughed and tipped back her beer, finishing the last of the bottle. Jane leaned a little bit closer, though there wasn’t much leaning she could do with her pregnant belly in the way,

“So I have to ask, what with the historical morals in place at the time, did you and Steve ever…you know…” Jane’s eyebrows went up and down and Darcy smirked,

“And this question is purely for science, you say?”

“Absolutely!” said Jane. Darcy made a knowing ‘mhmm’ before cracking open another beer. She smirked,

“You know it’s pretty great; Jane Foster is seven months pregnant and can’t say ‘sex’. What do you call it at the doctor’s? Procreation? Coitus?”

“For your information,” said Jane, leaning back in her chair, “we call it intercourse, and I still need to know if you and Steve did it.”

“As a matter of fact, we did, daily and nightly and ever-so-rightly.” Said Darcy. Jane squawked a laugh,

“Oh my god! But what about condoms and STDs and stuff?” she asked. Darcy shrugged,

“After we both had a version of the serum, we figured it didn’t really matter. What few tests they were able to do before it all went down the crapper showed that we were immune to damn near anything. Never really crossed our minds. That’s why I worked in the medical ward, since I knew I couldn’t get sick.”

“Yeah yeah, and you were a great assistance to this country; we all know that part. Back to the part about you and Steve doing it.”

“Jane Foster, you are pregnant. I think you know the routine. Tab A, slot B…”

“Fine. Be secretive about your great serum-enhanced sex. I’ll just sit over here like a beached whale and hope that the spawn doesn’t mess me up too badly.” Jane took another drink of cider, so she missed the brief flash of pain in Darcy’s eyes. Jane set her glass down and mused,

“It’s kind of amazing, with all the great sex you and Steve were having, that you never got pregnant.” Darcy looked down at her bottle, fingernail picking at the label,

“I was.” she said quietly. Jane laughed,

“What, you’re going to tell me that there’s a secret line of Steve and Darcy Rogers living out a normal life Sao Paulo or something?”

“No.” said Darcy. Jane saw her friend’s face, saw the old pain and the too-bright eyes, and sat up,

“What happened?” Her tone was concerned and Darcy sighed, smiling the cracked and bitter smile that people use to stop themselves from falling apart right there,

“I wasn’t ready. It was before the serum, when Steve was still falling apart every other breath he took and sometimes Bucky and I had to sleep on either side of him so he wouldn’t freeze in that fucking apartment. We didn’t have the money to take care of Steve’s medical bills, let alone a new baby. And I knew that if I loved that baby as much as I loved Steve, I’d eventually have to part with one of them.” Darcy took a steadying breath, “So one day I followed a guy who said he was a real doctor into an alley, paid him my whole paycheck, and stayed with friends for an evening so Steve and Bucky wouldn’t see how bad I was.” It was silent after Darcy’s story finished. Jane opened her arms and Darcy stood up, moving around the coffee table to sit down beside her friend. Jane pulled Darcy close and hugged her as hard as she could,

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago,” said Darcy, ignoring the fact that slow tears were trekking down her face and she was sniffling, “It was the right decision for the time. That fall, Steve got real sick, more so than normal. We didn’t have money to keep the heat on and groceries in the pantry. If we’d have had a baby, it would have died that fall.” Darcy didn’t say it, but she knew that it would have taken her with it. Darcy put her head on Jane’s shoulder and Jane put her head on top of Darcy’s. Darcy said quietly,

“I still wonder, you know. If we would have beaten the odds, if he or she would have lived and been okay. If they would have been smart or sporty or nerdy or loving. If I…if I’d have been a good mother.” Jane couldn’t answer that question. She rubbed Darcy’s shoulder,

“Did you and Steve ever try to have a kid later?”

“Yes. After the serum, when we were rich and healthy. Turns out since the serum was originally made for a man, they never tried to figure out how it would affect the female reproductive system.” Jane looked at her, confused. Darcy smiled the broken smile again, this time with a trembling lip, “I can’t have kids.” Jane hugged Darcy a little closer and Darcy cried on her shoulder until she fell asleep.

 

Two weeks later, Jane was eating lunch when Steve walked into the kitchen.

“Steve,” she said. He turned to look at her. Jane tried to stand up but Steve walked over,

“Don’t have to stand for me, ma’am. What’s up?” he said, talking the chair beside Jane. She smiled regretfully at him,

“I just wanted to let you know, I’m sorry if this pregnancy thing is bringing up bad memories.”

“Huh?” asked Steve. Jane didn’t know how to continue, but she wanted to apologize for any pain she caused him. Steve had been nothing but sweet to her and if he’d been hurting this whole time, Jane wanted to let him know that if he needed to leave a room when walked in or if she needed to leave for him sometimes, she understood.

“You know, memories of when Darcy was—“ Jane cut herself off suddenly, eyes going wide. Steve still looked confused, though the lightbulb seemed to be slowly going on in disbelief. Steve stood stiffly,

“I have to go. There’s no apology required.” He was out the door before Jane could say anything. She grabbed her phone and punched in Darcy’s number. It rang twice before,

“Jane, I was sleeping. You better have a—“

“Steve knows.”

“About what?”

“That you had an abortion.” said Jane. The line was quiet for a second,

“What.” said Darcy. Jane felt tears in her eyes. Fucking hormones.

“I was apologizing for if my pregnancy brought up bad memories about when you were pregnant and—“

“You told him?!”

“I thought he knew!”

“No, Steve did not know until thirty seconds ago!” Jane heard Darcy sigh into the phone, “Fuck.” She heard someone knocking on the door on Darcy’s end, “That’ll be him.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Probably had to talk about it eventually. I’ll call you later.” Darcy hung up. She slowly walked to the door. Sure enough, Steve stood on the other side of the door looking pissed,

“Were you ever pregnant?”

“Yes.” said Darcy. There was no point in hiding now. Just like that, all the fight went out of him. He looked like he did when he got back from a month-long mission, tired beyond the physical sense of the word. Darcy stepped aside and he walked in, sitting down on the couch. Darcy sat on the opposite end of the couch.

“When.”

“Before the serum. The spring before you got double pneumonia.” He frowned,

“We hadn’t done anyth…” He trailed off. Tears were freely rolling down Darcy’s face. Steve took a deep breath,

“Who’s was it?” he asked. Darcy pretended to not hear him to give herself a private moment to say farewell to their relationship. Steve asked again, more agitated, “Who’s was it?”

“Bucky’s.” Darcy said.

“So you were sleeping with Buck while you were telling me you loved me?”

“It was one time. It’s just—“

“I don’t want to know.” Steve said flatly. Darcy went quiet. Steve sat in silence, thinking everything over. After what felt like hours, he asked,

“What happened to it? The baby?” Darcy’s voice was cracked and hoarse as she answered,

“I got rid of it.” Steve nodded, not looking at her. Darcy almost reached for his arm, then pulled her hand close when she saw him flinch slightly,

“We didn’t have money. It would have died fast and I couldn’t bear it if we kept it that long just for it to die in the first winter.”

“Did you ever tell Buck?”

“No.” she said. He turned to her, eyes shining,

“He wanted a family, Darcy. From the beginning, when we were little, he was excited to be a daddy. The picket fence, ballet lessons and coaching little league. Everything. I want you to know that.” Steve said. His voice sounded hollow. He stood up and said, “I’m going for a run.” He walked out and Darcy didn’t try to stop him. She knew she didn’t have the right to stop him from leaving.


End file.
